For the next several days Claire slept all day, every day. At night she would wake up and drink. Hollis would try to get her to eat but she ate sparingly. As the days passed Claire would sleep later and later into the day and go back to sleep later and later in the morning, usually drunk. Hollis didn’t try to stay up as late as her and usually went to sleep before her. Everyday when he woke up she would be sleeping next to him and he would watch her for a while. He couldn’t imagine what her body was going through, and he was sure the alcohol and tobacco she lived off of didn’t help. He would buy her heavy beers in hope that she would drink it and gain some calories.
In their second week Hollis woke up one morning after Claire had only gone to sleep three hours before. He got up and looked outside through the window, stretching. He knew Claire would be asleep the majority of the day. He made himself some breakfast, took a shower and went for a walk outside the cottage. The day was warm and he thought of Claire. With her asleep in the day and him awake, he had a lot of time to think and he thought about her a lot. He thought about how happy she used to be and how changed she was now. He wanted her to be happy again. He stood looking at his truck, got in and drove to town. There was a florist down there he’d seen on one of their trips into town. He bought Claire a dozen red roses and a dozen white gerberas in vases and a white orchid. The flowers were expensive, but he knew she would like them. The other evening she said something about the cabin being bland in color. Back at the cottage he set the two vases on the kitchen table and the orchid on the coffee table.
For the rest of the day he ate, drank a few beers, smoked a half a pack of cigarettes and sat around. Their TV sat in the living room unused. He waited for her to wake up and didn’t check on her much. He didn’t want to accidentally wake her up, as hard as it seemed to do. He enjoyed looking at her. Her skin was regaining its color and her body was regaining weight, making her look healthier. She still had a long way to go, though.
After the sun had gone down Hollis had started a fire in the fireplace and was fixing himself some dinner when he heard footsteps behind him. He turned and saw Claire. She was looking at the flowers on the table and didn’t have an expression on her face. He smiled at her.
“Do you like them?” he asked.
Claire didn’t say anything right away. Hollis held his breath. She walked up to them and touched the petals on the roses. They felt velvety smooth and fragile. She had only just woken up so her mind was working at a slow pace. “Did you get them today?” She finally said.
“Yes,” Hollis said, watching her.
She smiled at him. He noticed it was a smile that reached her eyes. “Thank you,” she said. “They’re really nice.”
“There’s, uh, another one on the coffee table,” he said, pointing with his spatula and turning back to the stove.
Claire turned and looked into the living room. She saw the orchid sitting on the coffee table. She walked to the couch and sat in front of the orchid, looking at it. It had a long stem and five large blooms on it, white with veins of purple creeping out from the center, and two un-bloomed buds on the end. At the base of the stem were some large, floppy green leaves. The petals on the blooms looked like they glittered against the light coming from the fire. She smiled again. It was nice to see something exotic again. She didn’t know how long it would last in this cold, dry environment, but at least it was there now.
“Are you hungry?” Hollis asked. “I’m making myself a burger, I could make you one too.”
“No thanks, maybe later,” Claire said, getting up. She walked over to Hollis and touched his arm which made him turn to her. She reached up and gave him a hug. “Thank you for the flowers, they’re beautiful,” she said quietly.
Hollis hugged her back tightly. For as long as they’ve been at the cottage they’ve barely touched each other. “You’re welcome,” he said to her. Some oil in the frying pan snapped and Hollis gave her a squeeze and let her go, turning back to the stove and turning it off. As he prepared his burger on some bread with cheese and mustard and a slice of tomato with some lettuce Claire picked up the vase of red roses and left the kitchen, putting them in the bedroom. She hoped their smell would infiltrate the room and make it smell soft, like a rose. When she was pleased with the arrangement she walked to the living room and turned the orchid so it was sitting at an angle on the end of the coffee table. Hollis was sitting at the kitchen table eating his hamburger and drinking a beer, watching her carefully place the orchid on the coffee table. She was outlined softly by the fire light and he paused with his burger halfway from the table to him mouth. She was stunning. She looked up at him and smiled and he quickly finished his burger and wiped his hands on a paper towel. She went to the refrigerator and got herself a beer, sitting at the table with him, re-positioning the vase of white gerberas and arranging the flowers. When she finished she lit herself a cigarette and as Hollis stared at her she was staring at the flowers. He knew gerberas were her favorite. When they used to live together she would often come home with a bouquet of only white gerberas and set them in the middle of the room. She said once that she liked the uniformity of the white gerbera.
Claire finally looked over at Hollis and saw how intensely he was looking at her. He’d never bought her so many flowers before. He might have only bought her flowers three or four times throughout their whole relationship. She wanted him to come to her and hold her like he used to. When they were together before all she needed from him was his love and affection. Now that he wasn’t touching her, was he making up for it with flowers? It is one or the other? She didn’t know. But she did know she couldn’t go to him because he wouldn’t give her the affection until he was ready to. She stared into his eyes and brought her cigarette to her lips.
Hollis loved her but he couldn’t tell her. He wanted to hold her but he couldn’t touch her. It felt like a stalemate. He kept her gaze and raised his hand to the top of his head and ran his fingers through his hair. He had her with him, but what was he going to do with her? When will he be ready? He felt ready, but his fear kept him at bay. His fear of being with her again and it not living up to what he expected, her previous occupation coming between them.
She finished her cigarette and her beer and she stood up and walked into the bathroom to take a shower. Hollis wanted to grab her while she walked away from him and push her up against the wall so she couldn’t get away and kiss her but he couldn’t move. He only watched her disappear into the bathroom. When the door shut he rubbed his face in both of his hands, dragging them down to his chin and grunted. He pushed his plate away from him and rested his face in his arms on the table. He wanted to feel her body pressing against his and to feel her caresses and wondered when… when. He lifted his face up and drank the remainder of his beer. He stood up, threw away his bottle and sat on the couch, staring at the orchid. He liked the orchid. It was so simple and very beautiful. Just like Claire. Claire was his orchid. He lit himself a cigarette, telling himself to stop obsessing over it and just touch her already. He needed to distract himself so he turned on the television.
Claire came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and heard the television on. It confused her for a moment and she peeked into the living room from the hallway. Hollis was watching a movie. She went into the bedroom and dressed in jeans and a black thermal shirt. She’s started wearing undergarments ever since they’d been staying in the cottage. She pulled socks onto her feet and combed through her wet hair. Then she joined Hollis in the living room. He was stoking the fire and adding more wood. He turned and saw her, froze in his movement then smiled at her. Claire smiled back and got a bottle of bourbon from the kitchen and sat on the couch. Hollis joined her and they didn’t speak, only passed the bottle back and forth while they watched The Godfather trilogy marathon on the television. After the third movie started, Hollis got up and went to bed. When the movie was over Claire turned off the television and sat staring at the orchid. She kept still except for moving to drink the rest of the bourbon and smoke her cigarettes long after the fire died down until she noticed the room was getting lighter. She looked toward the window for a moment, then got up, put on her sweater and jacket and shoes and went outside with a pack of cigarettes. She sat on a log outside the cottage overlooking the lake below and facing east. She smoked while she watched the sunrise; the sky turning pink, then golden, then yellow, the sun disappeared behind some high clouds and then the sky turned blue. There were cigarette butts littered around her on the ground. Finally she stood up to go inside. She turned around and saw Hollis standing behind her, looking at her. She stopped moving.
“How long have you been standing there?” She asked.
After a pause Hollis said, “I don’t know.” He walked to her and stood on the other side of the log from her and they stared at each other. He saw the cigarette butts on the ground and lifted his long legs over the log and took the pack of cigarettes from her pocket and lit one for himself, sitting down facing the view. Claire slowly sat next to him, turned slightly toward him. At first she watched his face as he smoked, then her gaze fell down to stare at a random fixed point far away.
Hollis dropped his cigarette butt on the ground and stepped on it. He exhaled and turned to look at Claire. Her eyes snapped up and she looked back at him. I love you, he wanted to say. Instead all he could muster was, “Claire.” She only looked at him so he said without thinking, “Why did you leave?”
Claire blinked and looked down. “Because I was stupid.”
“No,” Hollis said, disagreeing. “I was the stupid one.”
Claire looked back up to his face and didn’t say anything.
“I only want us to always be together,” Hollis said.
“We’ve been together since the day we met,” Claire said quietly. “Even… even when we were apart we were together.”
Hollis nodded. “Yes,” he said. “I always felt that we belonged together. You were what I was searching for my whole life, and once you were gone I was searching for you again. You give me a purpose, Claire. Without you my life is meaningless and all I can do is search.” Claire was staring into his eyes and he brushed her hair away from her face behind her back. He kept his hand behind her head. “I love you. I never stopped.”
“I never stopped loving you,” Claire whispered.
Hollis bent his head down and Claire felt the pressure of his hand on the base of her head. His lips met hers and he kissed her softly and then progressed into a deep kiss. Claire’s hands went around his head and he pulled her torso closer to him. They were filled with everything they’ve been missing from the past few years; passion, desire, love, need. Any empty hole left in their bodies was filling up and they couldn’t let go of each other.
No comments:
Post a Comment